Nonetheless, I was immediately attracted, drawn to him as if we’d known each other for years.We drank whiskey and discussed the confines of monogamy. I talked passionately about my work, and pressed him for details about his confidential military job.We exchanged a few emails and agreed to meet at a bar.Texas Ranger looked smaller and had thinner hair than in his photos.As my curfew approached, he walked me -- and his little dog -- to my car.I kissed him on the cheek, knowing we'd never see each other again.
I continued with vague explanations of my extramarital pursuit, but was clear that my husband was the one for me, with no intention of destroying anything on anyone’s home front. In hindsight, I recognize “normal” as code for “real” -- not a sex worker, not a robot, but a regular woman. We once entertained the idea of having an open marriage. He was cute in a nerdy sort of way, and we developed a quick and witty rapport.“That’s called a high-class hooker, my dear,” he responded. He was also open to more varied sexual experiences. I pushed for more conversation, more get-to-know-you kind of talk.I have struggled on and off over the years with relationships and the realities of monogamy. Next I met with a man whom we'll call The LDS Lawyer. He asked me if he could kiss me, and I blushed and shied away. Then I went for a drive with him to a park, and we fooled around in the back of his Durango like teenagers.He was on AM because he wanted to meet women who weren't looking for serious commitment. The physical attention actually made me uncomfortable, but ultimately I conceded that this was all part of the adventure.He physically came on strong -- caressing my thighs, kissing my neck, trying to unbutton my dress. After we fooled around, I insisted on knowing more about him, about his failed marriage, about the women he'd met on Ashley Madison, about his job in medical sales.